We all have a longing to belong.
My mom always teased me because even in high school I would worry about whether I would know someone the first day of school or have someone to eat lunch with.
I've never been one to do things by myself socially. In fact next month, I'm going to a wedding in Florida and the thought of not knowing anybody there except the bride (who will be just a teensy bit preoccupied) terrifies me.
Why do I have this fear?
Is it lack of confidence? Am I too dependent on others for my own happiness?
Why is it so important to belong? There's a stigma with being on the outside, with being a loner. Belonging denotes a sense of acceptance.
Here's the cool thing. There is a place where everyone of us belongs. That is in God's kingdom. He has an unbelievable amount of space and an infinite ability to love all. He wants us all to be a part His "inner circle."
"Inner circle" sounds kind of exclusive, huh? It is, and we are ALL invited to join.
We all have a place we belong. It's as simple as that.
I'm praying for those who haven't found their sense of belonging yet.
Linking up with Lisa-Jo for today’s writing prompt.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Great news and what's next
Dave was offered and accepted a job!!
And we get to stay here!!
To say I'm excited is putting it mildly. We get to stay in our house, at our church, close to family, surrounded by friends, at my job. We get to stay! You don't know how much you love something until it almost gets taken away from you.
We have lived here for the past 13 years. It is home. It is the longest I have ever lived anywhere. It's where my children were born and raised. And I LOVE it!!
It also made me realize even more how blessed I am in my job as an elementary music teacher. I have not taken my job for granted in the last three years that I've had it, and I just don't think there will be another teacher in Madison City as excited as me to show up to Bob Jones High School for that first teacher day this year!
So, we're settled in here. Gonna stay in our house for an indefinite amount of time. We had tried to sell it and rent it but neither worked out, and I am truly okay with that. I love my house. We love our church. Our friends. Our family. All the comforts of home around here.
What's next for me?
What do I mean, you might ask.
We're staying, and I am thrilled. Now what is my purpose here?
I used to compare myself to others all the time. Okay, let's be real...I still do. But I really used to compare myself and my work for the kingdom to others' work in the kingdom. I haven't given up my house and moved to the inner city to help the poor. I haven't given up my job and all my possessions to go minister to those in need. I haven't traveled to Africa and adopted 13 kids. So, is what I have done and am doing good enough?
Not good enough for God to love me. Don't misunderstand me. I know that my works do not determine His love. But am I living up to my full potential as a Christian and working member of God's army?
I do know that my home and my children are part of my mission field. And I truly believe that my school is another huge part of my mission field. I can't overtly teach those precious kids about Christ, but there are definite things that I try to do to have a positive, spiritual affect on them.
Last night our lesson at church was on our talents and how we're using them for the kingdom. It's a lesson I've heard many times before, but it really got me thinking.
What are my talents? How can I use them? What am I scared of? Where am I being lazy?
All questions I am pondering at this time for what is next for me in my beautiful life here in Alabama!
Just keepin' it real.
And we get to stay here!!
To say I'm excited is putting it mildly. We get to stay in our house, at our church, close to family, surrounded by friends, at my job. We get to stay! You don't know how much you love something until it almost gets taken away from you.
We have lived here for the past 13 years. It is home. It is the longest I have ever lived anywhere. It's where my children were born and raised. And I LOVE it!!
It also made me realize even more how blessed I am in my job as an elementary music teacher. I have not taken my job for granted in the last three years that I've had it, and I just don't think there will be another teacher in Madison City as excited as me to show up to Bob Jones High School for that first teacher day this year!
So, we're settled in here. Gonna stay in our house for an indefinite amount of time. We had tried to sell it and rent it but neither worked out, and I am truly okay with that. I love my house. We love our church. Our friends. Our family. All the comforts of home around here.
What's next for me?
What do I mean, you might ask.
We're staying, and I am thrilled. Now what is my purpose here?
I used to compare myself to others all the time. Okay, let's be real...I still do. But I really used to compare myself and my work for the kingdom to others' work in the kingdom. I haven't given up my house and moved to the inner city to help the poor. I haven't given up my job and all my possessions to go minister to those in need. I haven't traveled to Africa and adopted 13 kids. So, is what I have done and am doing good enough?
Not good enough for God to love me. Don't misunderstand me. I know that my works do not determine His love. But am I living up to my full potential as a Christian and working member of God's army?
I do know that my home and my children are part of my mission field. And I truly believe that my school is another huge part of my mission field. I can't overtly teach those precious kids about Christ, but there are definite things that I try to do to have a positive, spiritual affect on them.
Last night our lesson at church was on our talents and how we're using them for the kingdom. It's a lesson I've heard many times before, but it really got me thinking.
What are my talents? How can I use them? What am I scared of? Where am I being lazy?
All questions I am pondering at this time for what is next for me in my beautiful life here in Alabama!
Just keepin' it real.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Praying
I've been a little conflicted when praying lately.
Most of my prayers are about Dave and his job situation. I will admit there are times when I beg God to present Dave with a job here, so we can stay and go about life as usual. Because, well, I love life here.
The bible says to, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." (Philippians 4:6)
I'm taking that as permission to let Him know what it is that I would like to see happen, what I want him to orchestrate happening.
But the other side of it is this. Jesus prayed to God, "...not My will, but Yours, be done." (Luke 22:42) We know that He was praying about what He was about to endure, which was His crucifixion.
So, I am to pray for God's will. Maybe it is God's will for us to uproot our family from everything we've know for many years and transplant us to another part of the country for us to start all over again. Maybe He has a glorious plan for us beyond what we can even imagine. So, if I continue to simply beg to stay here, I could have that prayer answered and miss out on something amazing.
See my conflict?
But now, let's look right before and right after Jesus' prayer to God. He does pray for what He wants. He asks for God to "take this cup away from Me." He does not want to go through what He knows is about to happen. He prays HARD that He does not have to. So hard, in fact, that it says that "His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground." He REALLY did not want what was about to happen to happen.
I guess what I ought to do is marry the two prayers. I make known to God what I really want (as if He doesn't already know), but I also honestly, humbly pray not my will, but Yours be done. I think maybe that attitude is part of the "be anxious for nothing" part?
Besides truth be told, His will is what I should ultimately seek and truly want anyway.
Just keepin' it real.
Most of my prayers are about Dave and his job situation. I will admit there are times when I beg God to present Dave with a job here, so we can stay and go about life as usual. Because, well, I love life here.
The bible says to, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." (Philippians 4:6)
I'm taking that as permission to let Him know what it is that I would like to see happen, what I want him to orchestrate happening.
But the other side of it is this. Jesus prayed to God, "...not My will, but Yours, be done." (Luke 22:42) We know that He was praying about what He was about to endure, which was His crucifixion.
So, I am to pray for God's will. Maybe it is God's will for us to uproot our family from everything we've know for many years and transplant us to another part of the country for us to start all over again. Maybe He has a glorious plan for us beyond what we can even imagine. So, if I continue to simply beg to stay here, I could have that prayer answered and miss out on something amazing.
See my conflict?
But now, let's look right before and right after Jesus' prayer to God. He does pray for what He wants. He asks for God to "take this cup away from Me." He does not want to go through what He knows is about to happen. He prays HARD that He does not have to. So hard, in fact, that it says that "His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground." He REALLY did not want what was about to happen to happen.
I guess what I ought to do is marry the two prayers. I make known to God what I really want (as if He doesn't already know), but I also honestly, humbly pray not my will, but Yours be done. I think maybe that attitude is part of the "be anxious for nothing" part?
Besides truth be told, His will is what I should ultimately seek and truly want anyway.
Just keepin' it real.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Depression
There it is. That word.
It's what myself and many other people deal with in life.
Here's my story (so far...)
I first knew something was off in the few months before I turned 30 almost 5 years ago. I had never felt the way I was feeling. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. I was exercising, but it didn't seem to be helping. I remember one particular day just coming back from a run and sitting on the bed with my husband, the tears would not stop. The crazy thing was I could not tell him why. At the time my kids were about 3 and 5. I would take them to my parents' house because I knew my parents would play with them and entertain them. I did not have the energy to, to deal with them basically. Finally, I, after talking to Dave and my parents (who were incredibly supportive), decided to go talk to my family doctor. After some conversation, she put me on an anti-depressant.
I do not want to have to take this medication for the rest of my life. But I tried to stop taking it once and it was not a good thing. Even now, when I do not take it every day consistently, I can tell a difference. So, I try to take it like I'm supposed to. I still miss sometimes and I think its my subconscious screaming at me that I don't want to have to take it.
For a few years, I seemed to be doing pretty well. I mean, I often feel that I don't deal with things the way "normal" people do, whatever that means. But for the most part, I just didn't really think about depression much.
Well, now with Dave losing his job, I am having a pretty rough time. It's looking pretty likely that we will have to move. I am devastated on many different levels about that. So, honestly I just get to the point where I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not good at pretending I am okay when I am not. Some days are better than others, but that is just it. I don't know how I am going to feel from day to day.
I believe God sent me someone two days ago to discuss all this with me and to remind me that I need to be taking this depression thing a little more seriously. There are two sides to it. You see, I believe on some level I cannot help it when I am having a doozy of a day and don't want to get out of bad and all I do is scream at my kids. But on another level I have a choose to recognize this about myself and seek out ways to fight it. For my family's sake.
For example, I read that aspartame negatively affects those who battle depression. So I am cutting out all soda. I'm going to be vocalizing some positive affirmations daily. I'm going to come up with some plans to keep my days working and in some sort of routine.
Will this all be full proof? No. Because sometimes I just flat out feel like life sucks and I don't want to participate.
There is so much more I want to say on this topic. But for now I just wanted to put it out there and ask for prayers. I have a feeling with all that is going on with Dave's job it could get way worse before it gets better especially if we have to move and start all over again.
Just keepin' it real.
It's what myself and many other people deal with in life.
Here's my story (so far...)
I first knew something was off in the few months before I turned 30 almost 5 years ago. I had never felt the way I was feeling. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. I was exercising, but it didn't seem to be helping. I remember one particular day just coming back from a run and sitting on the bed with my husband, the tears would not stop. The crazy thing was I could not tell him why. At the time my kids were about 3 and 5. I would take them to my parents' house because I knew my parents would play with them and entertain them. I did not have the energy to, to deal with them basically. Finally, I, after talking to Dave and my parents (who were incredibly supportive), decided to go talk to my family doctor. After some conversation, she put me on an anti-depressant.
I do not want to have to take this medication for the rest of my life. But I tried to stop taking it once and it was not a good thing. Even now, when I do not take it every day consistently, I can tell a difference. So, I try to take it like I'm supposed to. I still miss sometimes and I think its my subconscious screaming at me that I don't want to have to take it.
For a few years, I seemed to be doing pretty well. I mean, I often feel that I don't deal with things the way "normal" people do, whatever that means. But for the most part, I just didn't really think about depression much.
Well, now with Dave losing his job, I am having a pretty rough time. It's looking pretty likely that we will have to move. I am devastated on many different levels about that. So, honestly I just get to the point where I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not good at pretending I am okay when I am not. Some days are better than others, but that is just it. I don't know how I am going to feel from day to day.
I believe God sent me someone two days ago to discuss all this with me and to remind me that I need to be taking this depression thing a little more seriously. There are two sides to it. You see, I believe on some level I cannot help it when I am having a doozy of a day and don't want to get out of bad and all I do is scream at my kids. But on another level I have a choose to recognize this about myself and seek out ways to fight it. For my family's sake.
For example, I read that aspartame negatively affects those who battle depression. So I am cutting out all soda. I'm going to be vocalizing some positive affirmations daily. I'm going to come up with some plans to keep my days working and in some sort of routine.
Will this all be full proof? No. Because sometimes I just flat out feel like life sucks and I don't want to participate.
There is so much more I want to say on this topic. But for now I just wanted to put it out there and ask for prayers. I have a feeling with all that is going on with Dave's job it could get way worse before it gets better especially if we have to move and start all over again.
Just keepin' it real.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Feeling God
Satan has been attacking me like crazy lately. And I've allowed him to.
I have been weak. I have allowed him to mess with my mind and question my worth and standing as a child of God. He has pushed me to question my faith and the love of the Father.
But God is good. And He is faithful.
Yesterday I had a meltdown. I didn't want to go to church yesterday morning, and I wasn't going to, but Dave begged me to go. I didn't know he would care so much, and he never begs me for anything, so I begrudgingly agreed (not before throwing some things around in the bathroom though).
When we got home, I just broke down. First I got mad. I said I didn't want to hear how God has a plan and He knows what our future holds and He cares for us. I said it was all BS. I didn't and don't really think that. It was Satan and my anger talking. Then something came out of my mouth that I didn't even realize I had been feeling.
I said, "I just don't feel God close to me. I feel so alone in this situation as far as He is concerned and don't feel that He cares to make Himself known to me."
Whoa.
And then the most amazing things happened. I went for a bike ride to clear my mind. I came back and got on the Internet for a bit and totally coincidentally came across this song:
I never even heard of this group before, but they were singing exactly how I felt!!
But the line in there that got me was
All that seems to matter is I don't feel you anymore
I thought it was pretty cool that God showed me this song.
Then before I went to bed I read from the book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa Terkeurst. This is an amazing book that has spoken to me from every single chapter I read.
So, I opened it up and wouldn't you know the title of the chapter is What Do I Do When I Don't Feel God?
Seriously. I can't make this stuff up. God heard me cry out and met me there to remind me that He is always there.
There is so much meat in what she says in this chapter, I wish I could just quote so much of it. But I really liked this line.
God wants us to stand on the absolute truth that He is with us no matter how my feelings may betray that reality.
She goes on to say God is close, and if I choose to be close back, He'll rearrange my feelings.
She says we must choose to recognize that God is close. Psalm 9:10 reads, "And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." The NLT says the word abandon for forsaken.
I have felt abandoned by God. Like He allowed this situation with Dave's job to happen, then He just took off and left us to fend for ourselves. Maybe this sounds melodramatic. And I realize that I just wrote about praising Him in the hallway. The whole time I haven't been worried about Dave finding a new job. I just wanted to feel God's presence and love towards us.
Today is a much different day than yesterday as far as how I feel about all this. I truly feel God. Though I don't think He has done anything differently, He just heard my cry and extended ways to comfort me. He used the things I love, music and books, to say I am here. I've got this. I've got you. I always have.
He is amazing. I am so blessed.
Side note- I will probably read this post over and over in the coming weeks as a reminder because as much as long to be strong 100% of the time, I fail the vast majority of it. Life is hard.
Just keepin' it real.
I have been weak. I have allowed him to mess with my mind and question my worth and standing as a child of God. He has pushed me to question my faith and the love of the Father.
But God is good. And He is faithful.
Yesterday I had a meltdown. I didn't want to go to church yesterday morning, and I wasn't going to, but Dave begged me to go. I didn't know he would care so much, and he never begs me for anything, so I begrudgingly agreed (not before throwing some things around in the bathroom though).
When we got home, I just broke down. First I got mad. I said I didn't want to hear how God has a plan and He knows what our future holds and He cares for us. I said it was all BS. I didn't and don't really think that. It was Satan and my anger talking. Then something came out of my mouth that I didn't even realize I had been feeling.
I said, "I just don't feel God close to me. I feel so alone in this situation as far as He is concerned and don't feel that He cares to make Himself known to me."
Whoa.
And then the most amazing things happened. I went for a bike ride to clear my mind. I came back and got on the Internet for a bit and totally coincidentally came across this song:
I never even heard of this group before, but they were singing exactly how I felt!!
But the line in there that got me was
All that seems to matter is I don't feel you anymore
I thought it was pretty cool that God showed me this song.
Then before I went to bed I read from the book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa Terkeurst. This is an amazing book that has spoken to me from every single chapter I read.
So, I opened it up and wouldn't you know the title of the chapter is What Do I Do When I Don't Feel God?
Seriously. I can't make this stuff up. God heard me cry out and met me there to remind me that He is always there.
There is so much meat in what she says in this chapter, I wish I could just quote so much of it. But I really liked this line.
God wants us to stand on the absolute truth that He is with us no matter how my feelings may betray that reality.
She goes on to say God is close, and if I choose to be close back, He'll rearrange my feelings.
She says we must choose to recognize that God is close. Psalm 9:10 reads, "And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." The NLT says the word abandon for forsaken.
I have felt abandoned by God. Like He allowed this situation with Dave's job to happen, then He just took off and left us to fend for ourselves. Maybe this sounds melodramatic. And I realize that I just wrote about praising Him in the hallway. The whole time I haven't been worried about Dave finding a new job. I just wanted to feel God's presence and love towards us.
Today is a much different day than yesterday as far as how I feel about all this. I truly feel God. Though I don't think He has done anything differently, He just heard my cry and extended ways to comfort me. He used the things I love, music and books, to say I am here. I've got this. I've got you. I always have.
He is amazing. I am so blessed.
Side note- I will probably read this post over and over in the coming weeks as a reminder because as much as long to be strong 100% of the time, I fail the vast majority of it. Life is hard.
Just keepin' it real.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Hands Free Mama
I guess it's time I posted about my little experience with my media fast for the month of May. Now that it is over, I can say it was a good experiment. Not totally realistic to keep up for a long amount of time. Just because of this technological day and age.
There were times I really enjoyed it. And there were times I was so frustrated. I felt like I was being grounded or something. I might've even mumbled, "It's not fair!" Wow! Hello, teenager self!
As I was going through the month I was also reading a Proverb a day. In case you don't know, Proverbs is all about wisdom. So, I began to pray for God to give me more wisdom and I was specific in using what I was reading in Proverbs.
By the end of the month I had convinced myself that I didn't really have a problem with media at all, and would this month just hurry up and be over so that I can get on with my facebooking, instagramming, pinteresting, blog-reading, texting, radio-blaring, TV show-watching life already?
Then I read Proverbs 25. And the last verse totally knocked me over. It reads...
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.
This was my lesson for the month. This is what God wanted to teach me! I was getting to the point where I was really frustrated because I felt like I wasn't doing anything bad with media, so why was I even doing this fast anyways and I was ready to be done.
God showed me that yes, I was using media for good things (texting encouragement, listening to wayfm, not watching bad stuff on tv, etc.) but what I really needed to open my eyes to was how much time I was spending on it and how it was taking away from my family. That part of it was out of control! And a broken down city without walls is a city that allows anything to come in and take over.
I need to have discipline and I need to be wiser about using that discipline for how much time I spend on media before my walls are broken down and I allow anything in to take over. Not only because of the time spent on it, but good things can quickly turn to bad. Does any of that make sense? I have gone through all different emotions this month regarding this fast, but God, gracious God, has brought me through and helped me look in and see exactly what needs to change and how.
And so now, here we are halfway through June, and you know what? I have totally gone back to how I was before the fast. How quickly we learn a lesson and how quickly we forget.
So this is when intentionality comes into play. Starting today, I am going to really watch how much time I spend on media, especially my phone. I never want my kids to think my phone is more important to me than them.
I really like the things I've been reading on Hands Free Mama. I think she is totally onto something.
This post is especially inspiring me! I may just have to come up with our own contract!
I can't say that things will magically change. I know myself, and I always have good intentions, but rarely reach them at all. But the media fast showed me that I absolutely can do with out, and I absolutely can have self-control. Given to me by God.
Without Him, I would so give into all my selfish desires. I almost always do anyways. Even with Him. I'm working on that. At least trying to. Including media.
Just keepin' it real.
There were times I really enjoyed it. And there were times I was so frustrated. I felt like I was being grounded or something. I might've even mumbled, "It's not fair!" Wow! Hello, teenager self!
As I was going through the month I was also reading a Proverb a day. In case you don't know, Proverbs is all about wisdom. So, I began to pray for God to give me more wisdom and I was specific in using what I was reading in Proverbs.
By the end of the month I had convinced myself that I didn't really have a problem with media at all, and would this month just hurry up and be over so that I can get on with my facebooking, instagramming, pinteresting, blog-reading, texting, radio-blaring, TV show-watching life already?
Then I read Proverbs 25. And the last verse totally knocked me over. It reads...
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.
This was my lesson for the month. This is what God wanted to teach me! I was getting to the point where I was really frustrated because I felt like I wasn't doing anything bad with media, so why was I even doing this fast anyways and I was ready to be done.
God showed me that yes, I was using media for good things (texting encouragement, listening to wayfm, not watching bad stuff on tv, etc.) but what I really needed to open my eyes to was how much time I was spending on it and how it was taking away from my family. That part of it was out of control! And a broken down city without walls is a city that allows anything to come in and take over.
I need to have discipline and I need to be wiser about using that discipline for how much time I spend on media before my walls are broken down and I allow anything in to take over. Not only because of the time spent on it, but good things can quickly turn to bad. Does any of that make sense? I have gone through all different emotions this month regarding this fast, but God, gracious God, has brought me through and helped me look in and see exactly what needs to change and how.
And so now, here we are halfway through June, and you know what? I have totally gone back to how I was before the fast. How quickly we learn a lesson and how quickly we forget.
So this is when intentionality comes into play. Starting today, I am going to really watch how much time I spend on media, especially my phone. I never want my kids to think my phone is more important to me than them.
I really like the things I've been reading on Hands Free Mama. I think she is totally onto something.
This post is especially inspiring me! I may just have to come up with our own contract!
I can't say that things will magically change. I know myself, and I always have good intentions, but rarely reach them at all. But the media fast showed me that I absolutely can do with out, and I absolutely can have self-control. Given to me by God.
Without Him, I would so give into all my selfish desires. I almost always do anyways. Even with Him. I'm working on that. At least trying to. Including media.
Just keepin' it real.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Praise You in This Storm (and the Hallway)
Dave lost his job almost 2 weeks ago. Friday will be his last day. I have been through so many emotions in the past several days, it's hard to keep them all straight. When I first found out the Holy Spirit reminded me of John 16: 33. "...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” From the moment I found out, I have trusted that God is going to see us through this. He is going to provide for our family. And He has a plan for us.
What I struggle with is the why. Why did this have to happen to us? It's not a typical lay-off, and the story is long and depressing and infuriating. I was not expecting this to happen at all. I had just found out I received tenure. We are happy with our church and friends and family. Things were going well.
Dave has said since day one that he is choosing to view this as a blessing in disguise. I am so proud of his positive attitude. He is working his tail off trying to find another job. I told him I want him to find something that he loves. If that means moving? Well, then I will support him.
I read a quote the other day that I just love. It goes, "Until God opens the next door for you, praise Him in the hallway." I don't know who said that, but I think it is amazing and definitely worth following. God didn't promise that life would always be rosy and comfortable. Maybe ours was getting too comfortable, and God felt the need to shake things up.
I don't know the reason. But I am going to choose to praise Him and rely on Him.
A precious sweet girl suggested I read Psalm 77 today. The writer has found himself in a pretty bad storm of life. He begins questioning the Lord. He starts asking,
7 Will the Lord cast off forever?
And will He be favorable no more?
8 Has His mercy ceased forever?
Has His promise failed forevermore?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies?
Sounds pretty desparate, huh?
But things turn around in verse 10 through the rest of the chapter. He decides to stop wallowing and chooses to remember the good that God has done. In verse 11, he says, "I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember Your wonders of old."
God has done so many good things in my life. I have no doubt of that. So, while I don't understand what is going on right now, I'm going to choose to dwell on the good and to have faith that He will continue to bless me and my family.
Will there be hard days? Absolutely. One Sunday recently, I went to church and didn't want to talk to anybody and was pretty rude to my friends. I felt awful. Thankfully, they love me and accepted my apology.
I'm not perfect. Frankly, I just don't even care if I come across that way or not. There's a line in a song by JJ Heller that I love...
"Perfection has a price
But I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win"
Of course imperfection doesn't excuse being rude by any means. But I think you know what I am getting at.
So, some days will be hard. It's amazing the roller coaster of emotions we have already felt. But God is holding us close. I can feel it. It's like He is cradling me in His arms, whispering in my ear, "Shhh. It'll all be alright. You don't know it, but I have great things in store for you. In My time, I will reveal them to you."
That, my friends, is so comforting. How do people live without the peace of God in their lives?
Just keepin' it real.
What I struggle with is the why. Why did this have to happen to us? It's not a typical lay-off, and the story is long and depressing and infuriating. I was not expecting this to happen at all. I had just found out I received tenure. We are happy with our church and friends and family. Things were going well.
Dave has said since day one that he is choosing to view this as a blessing in disguise. I am so proud of his positive attitude. He is working his tail off trying to find another job. I told him I want him to find something that he loves. If that means moving? Well, then I will support him.
I read a quote the other day that I just love. It goes, "Until God opens the next door for you, praise Him in the hallway." I don't know who said that, but I think it is amazing and definitely worth following. God didn't promise that life would always be rosy and comfortable. Maybe ours was getting too comfortable, and God felt the need to shake things up.
I don't know the reason. But I am going to choose to praise Him and rely on Him.
A precious sweet girl suggested I read Psalm 77 today. The writer has found himself in a pretty bad storm of life. He begins questioning the Lord. He starts asking,
7 Will the Lord cast off forever?
And will He be favorable no more?
8 Has His mercy ceased forever?
Has His promise failed forevermore?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies?
Sounds pretty desparate, huh?
But things turn around in verse 10 through the rest of the chapter. He decides to stop wallowing and chooses to remember the good that God has done. In verse 11, he says, "I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember Your wonders of old."
God has done so many good things in my life. I have no doubt of that. So, while I don't understand what is going on right now, I'm going to choose to dwell on the good and to have faith that He will continue to bless me and my family.
Will there be hard days? Absolutely. One Sunday recently, I went to church and didn't want to talk to anybody and was pretty rude to my friends. I felt awful. Thankfully, they love me and accepted my apology.
I'm not perfect. Frankly, I just don't even care if I come across that way or not. There's a line in a song by JJ Heller that I love...
"Perfection has a price
But I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win"
Of course imperfection doesn't excuse being rude by any means. But I think you know what I am getting at.
So, some days will be hard. It's amazing the roller coaster of emotions we have already felt. But God is holding us close. I can feel it. It's like He is cradling me in His arms, whispering in my ear, "Shhh. It'll all be alright. You don't know it, but I have great things in store for you. In My time, I will reveal them to you."
That, my friends, is so comforting. How do people live without the peace of God in their lives?
Just keepin' it real.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)