Things I Want My Tribe To Know- #2

Things I want my tribe to know…

2.  Life is not fair, and that is okay!

Over the years, there has been a shift.  I have seen it in my lifetime.  It has always been there, I’m sure, but it has become more prevalent.  I have even seen it rear its ugly head more and more over the last 7 years of teaching school.  It is the idea of entitlement and making sure that everything is fair.  Even good people have been affected by this epidemic.  I have been affected by this epidemic.

You have probably heard it said that we live in a microwave society.  Everybody wants everything fast.  And easy.  May I also propose that everyone also expects to fairly get their way?  All. The. Time.  It is what we are teaching when we give every player on the team a trophy.  It is what we are reinforcing when give parents their way in school because it is easier to give in then to stand up for what is right.  We cater to the masses out of one side of our mouth while grumbling about fairness out of the other side.

I know people that make sure every single thing that concerns their children is fair.  I am not sure that is helpful or even really possible.  Life is just not fair.  When did we start expecting it to be?  Have we been taugh,t and are we teaching ourselves that it is supposed to be? 

Here is a question to ponder…is God’s definition of fair different than ours?  The bible states over and over that He is a fair and just God, and I truly believe He is.  The truth is fair does NOT mean equal.  And too often we equate the two.  We are not entitled to being treated equally.  That statement may not be popular, and there may even be some of you reading that ask how can I say that? 

Think about it.  Here is a small example of fair but not equal.  Two siblings have different bedtimes.  One child is 15 and goes to bed at 10:00.  The sibling is 8, and goes to bed at 8:00.  Is this fair?  Is this equal?

God treats us fairly according to what HE deems to be fair.  He does not always treat us equally, at least not when it comes to life’s details.  And the details are what we complain about.

This world does not revolve around you.  To make a point, I ask my fourth graders when teaching them recorders, “Does your mom ever tell you, ‘This world does not revolve around you?”  Then I say, “In music class, it revolves around me!”  I am trying to get them to see the importance of watching me for every little direction. 

I also tell them that when I direct during a performance, I will not talk like I do in class.  Yet, I still communicate.  Sometimes, we feel like God is not speaking to us.  He is always communicating.  When we make our world revolve around Him and seek His face, we better understand His will and can follow where He is guiding.

When we stop worrying so much about whether we are being treated fairly or equally, we take the focus off ourself and are better able to focus on others and even more so, on God.  We put our eyes on Him and keep them there.  If we can do this, we’ll be less likely to even realize when we have not been treated the way that we think we should have been.

Here is an exercise to try when feeling overwhelmed and like life is not going the way you would have it go (with you at the center of everything!).  Take a few minutes to take some deep breaths in.  As you breathe in recite the words (out loud or to yourself) “More of You.” As you exhale, whisper “Less of Me.”  Try this a few times and see if it doesn’t shift your focus back to where God would have it.

Also, pray about it.  Praying to not get your way is a dangerous prayer.  Denying ourselves on purpose sounds dreadful, but when we realize that life is not really about us and what can get and achieve and accomplish, it is truly freeing.  We stop expecting things to go our way.  We look for ways to go Gods’ way, and we look for ways to share His glory.

Life is not fair and it is not about you being the center of it.  That is okay!

I am participating in a writing challenge that explores the things I want my kids to know before I die.  Even though I have numbered these posts, they are not in any particular order.  I would love your thoughts and comments here on what I have written and also, what are the things you want your tribe to know.  The following writers are also participating in this challenge.  Please visit them and show some love:

Renee
Terri
Stephanie
Jessi
Rachel

Things I Want My Tribe To Know- #1

I have not written on my blog in a few years, but I feel God is calling me back to some writing.  As I look back on my past posts, it amazes me how faithful God is and how He allows our faith to grow and evolve.  I would love your comments and feedback on my posts.  Let's learn and grow together and explore these faith and spiritual and LIFE matters authentically (hence my title...Just Keepin' It Real).  Thank you for reading!

Things I want my tribe to know…

1.  People will disappoint you, but God will NEVER let you down.

God did not intend for other people to be your Savior.  He did not intend for you to rely on people to make you happy.  He intended for you to fully rely on Him and for you to find your joy in Him.  The joy of the Lord is your strength.  Easier said than done, right?

How many times have you been let down by someone you thought was your person?  Maybe your best friend?  Maybe a relative?  Maybe someone you have shared your deepest secrets with?

It’s so hard when that moment happens.  When they say or do something that cuts you to the core and makes you question the relationship.  Do they not know me as well as I thought they did?  Don’t they know how I feel about that?  Why don’t they care enough to…? Perhaps these thoughts have gone through your head as you rethink this person’s place in your life.

I must confess.  I have had these things happen more often than I care to admit.  But you know what I have come to realize?  It is not them.  It is me.  I place too much pressure on that person, and the moment they hurt my feelings, I am ready to jet.  Ask my husband…it has happened time and time again.

When we put too much stock into people, we lose sight of what is truly important.  We take our eyes off God, and we place the target on someone else to make us happy or, even worse, to fulfill us.  And when the arrow does not hit the bull’s eye, we grab our arrows and go home in a huff because frankly, we are making life all about our self.

And here is the biggest secret of all…most of the time that person did not even mean to hurt your feelings. So, as a side note, why not give people the benefit of the doubt more?  Before being ready to throw the towel in on a relationship, step back and examine what has happened.  Pray about it.  If it seems right, talk to the person about it.  I wish all those times I got my feelings hurt, I had been brave enough to just have a conversation with the person about what I was feeling and then comparing that to what the person actually meant.  I really believe it would have saved a lot of heartaches and some relationships.

God never meant for us to find our value in people.  Our value is in Him and Him alone.  He wants us to constantly seek His face.  To find our worth in Him.  To share our deepest, darkest secrets with Him.  To seek His advice, His wisdom, His will.  With Him, we cannot go wrong.  With Him, if our feelings get hurt or our hopes get let down, we can rest assure that it is because He knows all and sees all and is working out things bigger than we can ask or imagine.

Romans 8:31 says, “..If God is for us, who is against us?”  God is so for us.  He is so for you!  He is faithful.  He works all things together for your good.  People will disappoint.  There may be times when it seems like God is disappointing you or letting you down.  Rest assured in this.  God knows all.  He sees all.  He has His reasons for allowing things to happen.  He does not let you down.  He sent His Son to die a cruel death on the cross.  A death He did not deserve.  Do you think Jesus was disappointed with God?  No, He said, “Into thy hands, I commit my spirit!”  May we be people who fully trust in God and with great confidence shout, “Into thy hands, I commit my spirit!”

Enjoy your earthly relationships.  There is truly something special about heart ties here on earth.  Just be careful that you do not invest more into them then you do into your relationship with your Heavenly Father.  People will disappoint, whether on purpose or unknowingly, but God will NEVER let you down.

I am participating in a writing challenge put on by my friend, Renee.  She has titled it "Things I Need My Kids to Know Before I Die."  The following links are others who are participating in this challenge.

Renee

Magdalena

Stephanie

Sarah

Join us each week as we explore this topic.  Hopefully, it will get you thinking and maybe writing?  We all have a voice!!