Broken

We are all broken in some way.

It's what makes us human.

Contrary to what anybody thinks, no one has it all together.

And that is why we need Jesus.  He is the Fixer.  We cannot fix ourselves.  Others cannot fix us.  Getting better or improving does not fix us.

Jesus came to give us life.  Without Him, we stay broken.

Have you ever had something not worth fixing?  If my kid's toy breaks, he may say, "Oh, well, it was old, I have others."  Sometimes even big things aren't worth fixing.  A car may not be worth the money it would take to fix it.

But you and I are worth it.  Jesus says we are.  And He can never lie.  He is the Author and Finisher.

Some may think they are beyond repair.  That they no longer have value.  We all have value in Jesus' eyes.

Yes, we are all broken.  And in many different ways.

But we are worth the repair that Jesus offered on the cross many years ago.

Have you met the one Who gives life?  The ultimate repairman?

...I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10

I am linking up!

Speak Life

Do you ever really think about the words that come out of your mouth?  

When I teach any group about singing, I explain how there is a lot to think about when singing a song.  You have to think about singing the correct lyrics, singing the correct notes, breathing correctly, correct posture, correct mouth formations, etc.  It's a lot to think about.  What usually happens is whoever is singing starts out doing it all correctly and then some where in the middle of the song, they start to slouch or forget about keeping a tall mouth or they stop enunciating.  They simply get lazy.

What happens then?  They lose their audience.

Aren't we guilty of doing the same thing?

Sure, there are certain times that we think real hard about what we need to say and how we should say it.  We make sure our body language is correct and the volume of our voice is sufficient to get whatever point we are trying to make across.

But for the most part, aren't we guilty of becoming lazy when we speak?

Especially with those who we are most comfortable with?

I've really been thinking lately about the words that come out of my mouth.  I find with my kids, more often than not, I am critical.  With my husband all I do is complain.  With my friends I whine about how I wish things in my life were different.  

I'm quick to judge.

Quick to fuss.

Quick to critique.

Quick to raise my voice.

Quick to tear down.

Quick to slap in the face with my words.

Quick to let air out of excitement.

Quick to point out what's wrong.

Quick to correct.

I would like to change all that.  

Because I do not want to lose my audience.

God gave me a voice.  I think of it as a secret weapon.  Sure, a secret weapon we all have.  But a secret weapon that when used correctly can give life.

Life to the doubtful.

Life to the depressed.

Life to the broken-hearted.

Life to the hopeless.

Life to the innocent.

Life to those living life one day at a time.
Life to those struggling to succeed.
Life to those doing their best.

From today forward my goal in life is going to be to speak life to those around me.  It's going to take more than just the words coming out of my mouth (though those are a vital part).  It's going to take my expression, my body language, the volume of my voice.  

It's going to take me refusing to be lazy with my words and instead vowing to be intentional.  It's going to take me seeking out opportunities to encourage, to uplift, to put a smile on a face and hope in a heart.  It's going to take me being willing to offer a ray of sunshine into the precious souls around me. It's going to take me paying attention.

Both to those that I know and those that I don't know.

Will you take this challenge with me?

Listen to these two songs and prayerfully realize what an impact our words have...

Belong

We all have a longing to belong.

My mom always teased me because even in high school I would worry about whether I would know someone the first day of school or have someone to eat lunch with.

I've never been one to do things by myself socially.  In fact next month, I'm going to a wedding in Florida and the thought of not knowing anybody there except the bride (who will be just a teensy bit preoccupied) terrifies me.

Why do I have this fear?

Is it lack of confidence?  Am I too dependent on others for my own happiness?

Why is it so important to belong?  There's a stigma with being on the outside, with being a loner.  Belonging denotes a sense of acceptance.

Here's the cool thing.  There is a place where everyone of us belongs.  That is in God's kingdom.  He has an unbelievable amount of space and an infinite ability to love all.  He wants us all to be a part His "inner circle."

"Inner circle" sounds kind of exclusive, huh?  It is, and we are ALL invited to join.

We all have a place we belong.  It's as simple as that.

I'm praying for those who haven't found their sense of belonging yet.


 Linking up with Lisa-Jo for today’s writing prompt.

Great news and what's next

Dave was offered and accepted a job!!

And we get to stay here!!

To say I'm excited is putting it mildly.  We get to stay in our house, at our church, close to family, surrounded by friends, at my job.  We get to stay!  You don't know how much you love something until it almost gets taken away from you.

We have lived here for the past 13 years.  It is home.  It is the longest I have ever lived anywhere.  It's where my children were born and raised.  And I LOVE it!!

It also made me realize even more how blessed I am in my job as an elementary music teacher.  I have not taken my job for granted in the last three years that I've had it, and I just don't think there will be another teacher in Madison City as excited as me to show up to Bob Jones High School for that first teacher day this year!

So, we're settled in here.  Gonna stay in our house for an indefinite amount of time.  We had tried to sell it and rent it but neither worked out, and I am truly okay with that.  I love my house.  We love our church.  Our friends.  Our family.  All the comforts of home around here.

What's next for me?

What do I mean, you  might ask.

We're staying, and I am thrilled.  Now what is my purpose here? 

I used to compare myself to others all the time.  Okay, let's be real...I still do.  But I really used to compare myself and my work for the kingdom to others' work in the kingdom.   I haven't given up my house and moved to the inner city to help the poor.  I haven't given up my job and all my possessions to go minister to those in need.  I haven't traveled to Africa and adopted 13 kids.  So, is what I have done and am doing good enough?

Not good enough for God to love me.  Don't misunderstand me.  I know that my works do not determine His love.  But am I living up to my full potential as a Christian and working member of God's army?

I do know that my home and my children are part of my mission field.  And I truly believe that my school is another huge part of my mission field.  I can't overtly teach those precious kids about Christ, but there are definite things that I try to do to have a positive, spiritual affect on them.

Last night our lesson at church was on our talents and how we're using them for the kingdom.  It's a lesson I've heard many times before, but it really got me thinking.

What are my talents?  How can I use them?  What am I scared of?  Where am I being lazy?

All questions I am pondering at this time for what is next for me in my beautiful life here in Alabama!

Just keepin' it real.

Praying

I've been a little conflicted when praying lately.

Most of my prayers are about Dave and his job situation.  I will admit there are times when I beg God to present Dave with a job here, so we can stay and go about life as usual.  Because, well, I love life here.

The bible says to, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."  (Philippians 4:6)

I'm taking that as permission to let Him know what it is that I would like to see happen, what I want him to orchestrate happening.

But the other side of it is this.  Jesus prayed to God, "...not My will, but Yours, be done."  (Luke 22:42)  We know that He was praying about what He was about to endure, which was His crucifixion.

So, I am to pray for God's will.  Maybe it is God's will for us to uproot our family from everything we've know for many years and transplant us to another part of the country for us to start all over again.  Maybe He has a glorious plan for us beyond what we can even imagine.  So, if I continue to simply beg to stay here, I could have that prayer answered and miss out on something amazing.

See my conflict?

But now, let's look right before and right after Jesus' prayer to God.  He does pray for what He wants.  He asks  for God to "take this cup away from Me."  He does not want to go through what He knows is about to happen.  He prays HARD that He does not have to.  So hard, in fact, that it says that "His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground."  He REALLY did not want what was about to happen to happen.

I guess what I ought to do is marry the two prayers.  I make known to God what I really want (as if He doesn't already know), but I also honestly, humbly pray not my will, but Yours be done.  I think maybe that attitude is part of the "be anxious for nothing" part?

Besides truth be told, His will is what I should ultimately seek and truly want anyway.

Just keepin' it real. 

Depression

There it is.  That word.

It's what myself and many other people deal with in life.

Here's my story (so far...)

I first knew something was off in the few months before I turned 30 almost 5 years ago.  I had never felt the way I was feeling.  I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning.  I was exercising, but it didn't seem to be helping.  I remember one particular day just coming back from a run and sitting on the bed with my husband, the tears would not stop.  The crazy thing was I could not tell him why.  At the time my kids were about 3 and 5.  I would take them to my parents' house because I knew my parents would play with them and entertain them.  I did not have the energy to, to deal with them basically.  Finally, I, after talking to Dave and my parents (who were incredibly supportive), decided to go talk to my family doctor.  After some conversation, she put me on an anti-depressant.

I do not want to have to take this medication for the rest of my life.  But I tried to stop taking it once and it was not a good thing.  Even now, when I do not take it every day consistently, I can tell a difference.  So, I try to take it like I'm supposed to.  I still miss sometimes and I think its my subconscious screaming at me that I don't want to have to take it.

For a few years, I seemed to be doing pretty well.  I mean, I often feel that I don't deal with things the way "normal" people do, whatever that means.  But for the most part, I just didn't really think about depression much.

Well, now with Dave losing his job, I am having a pretty rough time.  It's looking pretty likely that we will have to move.  I am devastated on many different levels about that.  So, honestly I just get to the point where I don't know how to deal with it.  I'm not good at pretending I am okay when I am not.  Some days are better than others, but that is just it.  I don't know how I am going to feel from day to day.

I believe God sent me someone two days ago to discuss all this with me and to remind me that I need to be taking this depression thing a little more seriously.  There are two sides to it.  You see, I believe on some level I cannot help it when I am having a doozy of a day and don't want to get out of bad and all I do is scream at my kids.  But on another level I have a choose to recognize this about myself and seek out ways to fight it.  For my family's sake.

For example, I read that aspartame negatively affects those who battle depression.  So I am cutting out all soda.  I'm going to be vocalizing some positive affirmations daily.  I'm going to come up with some plans to keep my days working and in some sort of routine.

Will this all be full proof?  No.  Because sometimes I just flat out feel like life sucks and I don't want to participate.

There is so much more I want to say on this topic.  But for now I just wanted to put it out there and ask for prayers.  I have a feeling with all that is going on with Dave's job it could get way worse before it gets better especially if we have to move and start all over again.

Just keepin' it real.