Why do we even have to eat?

So, I struggle with food.

I hesitate in sharing this with the concern that those who read it will totally watch what I eat whenever around me and judge me for poor decisions made.  But then I remember who I have actually shared this blog with so far, and I'm pretty sure you're not out to get me, so maybe I'm safe?

Here goes.

I love to eat.  Junk.

I love to eat junk.

French fries, cheeseburgers, pizza, ice cream, chocolate.  If it's bad for you, I probably love it.  And fruity desserts?  Am I the only one that thinks that is an oxymoron?  I mean if I wanted to eat healthy, I would eat fruit.  If I want dessert, give me chocolate!

Because of this fact, I make poor decisions.  Often.  And I love it in the moment.  But then the guilt settles in.

Oh, the guilt!

First of all, I do not enjoy cooking.  So we eat out a lot.  And not only is that bad for me, but it is terrible for my kids.  So not only do my actions affect me, they affect my kids.

Then there's the whole 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20  (¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? ²⁰ For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.) and 1 Corinthians 10: 31 (Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.) which are not necessarily talking about the food you eat, but I still believe it applies.

So the problem for me is I am not happy with my weight.  I have lost weight a couple of times and felt great but then it comes back because I go back to old habits.  So put bad body image together with worried about my eating habits being a sin and I am at my wit's end and so sick of the struggle.

I know that God offers grace, but I truly want to honor Him and glorify Him in everything I do.  And  I do not feel that I am in this area of my life.  For me, I believe that is a sin.

Romans 12 also comes to mind.  Paul begins the chapter the following way:

1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Again I know that this is not really referring to food.  But I really feel it has a place here.

 Then there is the whole clean eating issue.  The whole processed foods is so bad and causes all kinds of health problems issue.  I am so not trying to make light of it, but when I dwell on it, it seriously scares me.

So, I desperately want to change my eating habits.  I have thought about this.  Talked about this. (Some of you who will read this know I do a LOT of talking about this.)   I've prayed about it.  I have asked God to take this temptation to eat junk away from me.  So far, He has not obliged.  But I am sure it is because He is teaching me something in this journey.

And God does show up.  Always.  In just the right ways.  All the sudden a blogger that I read has changed her way of eating and is writing all about it.  I feel like she is talking to me and answering all the questions I have along the way.

I've read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst and even watched her videos.  The things she said are incredible.  But still I find it hard to put it in practice.

My diet HAS to change.  The blogger I mentioned did it cold turkey.  Then I've read this blog, and she has suggestions for making gradual changes which I tried.  But whenever I try to eat better, as soon as I screw up, it's all over.

I'm sick of it consuming me.  I mean, I often wonder what skinny people think about.  But I know that we all have some sort of issue that we deal with.  Food is mine.


Now, what am I going to do about it?  That is the question!

I want to end with the song I have been listening to constantly.  One line says, "Let me know the struggle ends."

I know there are people out there dealing with much bigger problems than mine.  I get that.  But this is my struggle.  And I would really love for it to end.

Just keepin' it real.