Did you mean to name me Peter?

So, lots on my mind on this Easter 2013.

If you have been to a ladies' day or women's retreat or really any general girls' bible class, you have heard about Mary and Martha.  Likely, a million times.  It seems to be the go-to lesson for females.  Are you a Mary or a Martha?  Myself?

I am a Peter.

See, as I was reading all four gospel accounts of Jesus' death and resurrection last night, what stood out to me each time (besides the magnificent suffering that Jesus went through for you and for me) were the details about Peter. 

Peter has gotten a bad rep.  He's the one who was passionate and did dumb things.  Hmm.  Sounds a little familiar.  I prefer to call him eager.

But here is what got me.  (I like Luke's account...chapter 22.)

It was so easy for him to deny Christ.

Whoa.

I mean, good grief, he was certainly brave when he cut off the guy's ear when they came to get Jesus.

Not very long after that at all, though, we see Peter denying Jesus not once, not twice but three times.  Incredible.  Was his faith that small?

But when he realized what he had done, he wept bitterly.  He didn't just shed a few tears.  I picture him falling to the ground shaking with sobs.  I also see him realizing that Jesus knew he was going to do this.  I see Peter feeling the gravity of Jesus' love anyway.  Regardless.  Nevertheless.

So, what is the rest of the story for Peter?  Is that it?  Did he realize what he did and go hang himself like Judas?  Thankfully, not.  But we do see him continue to act eagerly.

After Jesus had risen, he appeared to the disciples, so Peter already knew He was no longer dead.  In John 21, it says that Jesus appeared to the disciples again.

Verse 7 and 8- "7Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment (for he had removed it), and plunged into the sea. ⁸ But the other disciples came in the little boat (for they were not far from land, but about two hundred cubits), dragging the net with fish.

I find that picture pretty funny.  The boat wasn't that far from the shore, but Peter felt the need to jump in the water and swim to get to his Lord faster.

Okay, recap.

Peter was eager to impress Jesus.
As soon as it became hard, he bailed.
He realized his mistake and was brokenhearted.
He became eager to impress Jesus again.

That. is. so. me.

Just sayin'.  

I constantly want to impress Jesus.  I watch what I read, watch, listen to.  I study the bible.  I teach my kids about Jesus.  I seek to impress others and gain their admiration for my "christianness" (Just keepin' it real and is that even a word?)

Then I'm tempted by something and deny Christ and go after that temptation (whatever it might be).

Then I get mad at myself and rededicate and seek again to impress Jesus.

It is a vicious cycle.  But through the rest of Peter's story there is hope and realization.

Jesus restores Peter (John 21:15-19).  Peter goes on to preach on the Day of Pentecost and to several other groups of people.  Eventually, history and tradition say that Peter was crucified upside down by orders of Nero.  He asked to be crucified upside down because he did not feel worthy of crucifixion in the same manner as Jesus.

Did you see that?  How much Peter matured?

Today, I am not proud to say that I relate to Peter the most.

But I am on a journey.  As we all are.  And I hope and pray that I can mature in my faith to the point that Peter did.  Not that I'm asking to be crucified for my beliefs.  But if it came down to it, could I be?

Or would I deny Christ again?

Thankfully, God gave Peter another chance.  I believe my journey is full of second chances ordained by God. 

Maybe I should call those chances grace and mercy.  Lord, thank you for your continuous grace and mercy.  I am so undeserving.

Just keepin' it real.